She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
is it fun? or sober?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
