WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
