and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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