She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
