Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize
