I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
