3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The adults are the big ones right?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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