what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
