Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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