I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
