My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
