Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
