I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
don't judge my taste in strippers
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
