i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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