he told me I talked like a deaf person
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
