the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
