5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
