her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
