Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
