This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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