I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
