The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
