I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
