I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
