pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
