It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
