Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
