There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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