Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
