i jhust puked up my retainher.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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