Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize