I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
