come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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