He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
