too bad you live with your parents still
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
