dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
