I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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