Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
