I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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