So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
FUCK WHALES
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