You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
