I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
