the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
