Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
