NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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