K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
