Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
