the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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