Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
