she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
